The Terror of Twitter Math Camp

I don’t know who to talk to or what to say or where to stand or when to get involved or oh my gosh what do I do with my hands when I’m standing here shouldn’t talking to people be easier but it just seems so forced and am I thinking too long or not long enough and am I staring did I nod enough or too much am I agreeing too much do I need to jump in here what is this person’s name again do they even know I’m here why am I here anyway but maybe I’m doing okay or maybe not you can make it through this I know you can I know you can I know you can just be yourself but not too much yourself don’t seem crazy or strange or weird or insane or maybe just don’t worry about what anybody else is saying or doing but are they judging me and do I even care wait have I said anything lately what’s the right thing to say did someone just say that make sure to nod again smile not too much that looks creepy keep going you’re doing okay you can do this you can do this you can do this it will all be over eventually just hang in there it’s not that bad you will be stronger because of this it’s about the learning am I thinking too much again quick smile and nod and agree and make eye contact okay that’s too much eye contact don’t scare people but you don’t need to stare at their shoes either and make sure to smile and nod and don’t look uncomfortable but don’t look like you’re trying not to look uncomfortable and make sure to say something but not something obvious and don’t make jokes unless they’re good jokes how do I know if that’s funny anyway and do I laugh at my own joke and if someone else makes a joke laugh but not too much because nobody likes someone who laughs too much I don’t think I’ve blinked lately do people usually have to remember to blink or is that just me now I’m blinking too much okay maybe there’s something in my eye play it off okay smile again and nod yes I agree okay good it was nice meeting you okay have a good afternoon see you later I’ll try to be more normal I promise I promise I can do better trust me I’m just like all of you and I really want to be here I really do I really do I really do deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths

 

5 thoughts on “The Terror of Twitter Math Camp

  1. How did you type what I was thinking? Great! Now I have to be worried about telepaths in the midst of all this TMC stuff.

    Did writing this help at all?

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    1. It definitely helped in the moment, and it has been awesome seeing the response from #TMC17. I’m thankful for the kindness of everyone here. They’ve definitely helped me in my ongoing fight with anxiety!

      Like

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